So, we all know that alcohol makes us more confident and attractive. On those measures, e is even better – the high is sweeter and lasts much longer.
I used to be intensely shy and generally socially inept, and, like many of us, not only found that I felt great on e, my anxiety with others disappeared and I could get on with having a fun time.
The first time I took e, I had one of those deep and meaningful conversations that seemed to go on for the whole night. The guy was smart and good looking. We seemed to really connect. I was immediately besotted.
Of course I convinced myself that the drugs were simply a facilitator of our connection, rather than the excuse or reason. I felt that it would be impossibly to talk to him if not on e.
I also made a rather critical error in assuming that an intense conversation automatically equalled True Love (on both sides).
Of course he had a gorgeous girlfriend. But surely, it was a matter of time before he realised that we were soul mates and he would drop her for me? Yep, I was deluded, and perhaps a little obsessed.
The thing is, he hadn’t given me any real indication that I was anything more than someone to talk at (not even with). But I preferred not to think of that (details, details...). It was as if I was a year 8 school girl, not a generally intelligent and cynical 21 year old uni student.
Of course it came crashing to a gloriously undignified end not long after. I went into the night anxious but with huge expectations – perhaps this would be the night we would get together (which I thought was surely the next logical step...).
Unfortunately the combination of bad and/or too many pills with too much vodka didn’t go down well. We’d gone past the manic part of the night and had settled down in sleeping bags in the lounge room.
It was here, as I was trying to talk to him, that I threw up – right in front of him and right in my friend’s sleeping bag. Mortified doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. Kinda funny now that I think of it...
Needless to say, I didn’t see him again. It made me realise that as good as e was, it wasn’t necessarily the way into a good man’s heart – or attractiveness.
I’m hoping I’m not alone in experiencing such an embarrassing moment??!
Deluded, obsessed and embarassed
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