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To tell or not to tell

family

We are living in a world where there is a fairly widespread acceptance that a zero-tolerance approach is not effective and that a harm minimisation approach to illicit drug use is the way to go. Research backs this up.

Many of our parents experimented with drugs – at the very least pot. It’s reasonable to say that they have a more relaxed relationship with illicit drugs than previous generations, recognising that for the vast majority who do experiment, it’s done for a limited period of time without it automatically becoming problematic or leading to hard drugs, like heroin.

However, despite this shared outlook, the thought of telling our parents about our awesome night out on e last weekend, is enough to send us sprinting for the proverbial hills. Why is this? Is it that we feel our parents have lost touch? That telling them would mean their disapproval and/or anger? Or is it that we want to ‘own’ our own experience and them being a player in it is somehow wrong?

My situation was slightly different in that my parents somehow bypassed the whole hippy movement and came into parenthood as conservative as their own parents. There was a period that I was at uni and living with them and every month or so I would have a huge night.  I’d get home when they were getting up for breakfast and it would be as if there was a huge elephant in the room.

How could they not have noticed my exhausted, yet wired (and generally smashed) state? However, there is absolutely no way I could have had that conversation with them. Even now, having moved out and somewhat tamed my partying ways, there is absolutely no way I want to have that conversation with them.

Is disclosing drug use to parents the last taboo? Have you told  your parents about taking an illicit drug? If so, what was the fall out? Did you regret it, or did it take your relationship with them to a better  place? If not, what’s stopping you?

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4 Comments

switch

almost 2 years ago

i always find it funny when i hear people from my perents generation complaining about how much drugs are on the street considering my perents where alive and willing participants of the free love and hippy era

NaNdeR

almost 2 years ago

Disclosing drug use depends on the parent. I believe that parents with *accurate* information about drugs would be quite tolerating and encourage harm minimization. It could also be helpful to have someone who really cares about you knowing about your use and intervening if there is a potential for misuse or addiction.

Sadly, many parents believe they are informed but have no clue. If I thought taking one drag of a joint induced psychosis or caused schizophrenia (and I know someone who believes this) I wouldn't want someone I loved to try it. So what they don't know won't hurt them :)

tronica

almost 2 years ago

"Or is it that we want to ‘own’ our own experience and them being a player in it is somehow wrong?"
This sentences rings true for me. There seems to be less and less of young people's lives that parents don't find out about - so perhaps drug use is one of the last remaining taboos that is kept between the young people involved. (Generations ago, young people had to keep any premarital sex a secret, whereas I think that taboo is all but gone these days!)

beingbamboo

over 1 year ago

I think that the rush you get when you try a drug for the first time mimics the reason parents worry. You aren't sure what this thing is going to do to you and neither are they.

Then again, I have friends (mostly in New Zealand) whose parents will light up a joint and sit out and have a beer with them.

I think we have to be really niave to think our parents don't know. They're not idiots! To be honest, I'd say it's easier for them to pretend they don't know.

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